Cassiel's Choice
by Alyse Arden
Summary: A collection of small moments from the Kushiel's Legacy series as seen through the eyes of Joscelin Verreuil. Rated M for the entire series.


Disclaimer: all characters and most of the dialogue in this chapter property of Jacqueline Carey

Cassiel's Choice: A Promise

I stood in the library of Anafiel Delaunay and wondered what I had done to anger the Prefect of my order.

Surely I must have done something, although I could think of naught. As far as I could recall, I had not been late for a single thing in ten years. I kept my boots and vambrances polished, my weapons honed to perfection. I had not even fantasized about a woman since I was sixteen; and even then I had been asleep, and so racked with guilt that I had confessed to my Prefect immediately. Surely I was not being punished for a six year old indiscretion!

"...Alcuin is biddable, he will not give you any trouble," Lord Delaunay was saying. "But Phedre," he shook his head. "Phedre can be...difficult. Of my charges, she is my bigger concern."

His charges, I thought, horrified. Surely he means his whores. I will be guarding his whores. I, who have trained for half my life to serve royalty, will be trailing after two adolescent courtesans like a large gray puppy.

I let none of my dismay show on my face, nodding at Lord Delaunay's words to show my understanding.

Anafiel looked stern. "She will try to slip away," he warned. "Phedre is stubborn and shows very little regard for her own well-being. You must guard her from herself, as well as others."

"Yes, my lord." If she is so damned stubborn, why don't you replace her with a more obedient whore?

At that moment, the library door opened and a pale, dark-haired girl entered. I bowed automatically, but she was shielding her eyes against the sun streaming through the far windows and did not see me.

"You sent for me, my lord?" She had low, throaty voice. Instinctively, I clenched my fists at my side and began to recite the Cassiline prayer in my head. I had learned years ago that this was the best defense in the presence of an attractive woman. And Phedre no Delaunay was beautiful.

Lord Delaunay smiled at his ward, then turned solemn. Having spent half my life preparing to guard royalty, discretion was second-nature to me. I tuned out their conversation, but kept an ear half-pricked for anything relevant to me. As they spoke, I could not help but study the young woman before me.

Her skin was pale and remarkably smooth, like new cream. Her dark hair, covered in a mesh caul, was thick and shining. I imagined it would tumble over her shoulders in waves. I could only see her face in profile, but that profile was undeniably lovely. As I watched, it turned horrified.

"My lord... you would send some, some dried-up old stick of a Cassiline Brother to trail after me? On an assignation? You would set a crotchety, sixty-year-old celibate to ward a Servant of Naamah... an_ anguisette_, no less? Name of Elua, I'd rather you brought back Miqueth!"

I felt my lip curl, and carefully schooled my expression back to impassivity. What made this slip of a girl, a whore no less, think that she could malign my holy order? Dried-up stick? Well and good, if that was what she thought. Phedre no Delaunay was no different than any other D'Angeline in her attitude toward celibacy. They all behaved as if choosing not to go around rutting everything that walked was some sort of illness. No, I was used to this attitude. I was angry because of this arrogant girl's irreverence to my ancient and holy order. I bit my tongue and wondered what an _anguisette _was.

"Guy was trained by Cassiline Brothers," she was saying now, "and look what happened to him! What makes you think I would be any safer?"

I was furious now, but I managed to keep my temper in check.

"If this man Guy was expelled at fourteen, he had only begun the merest part of the training to become a Cassiline Brother," I spoke up.

The courtesan whirled to face me. I repeated my bow.

"Phedre no Delaunay, I am Joscelin Verreuil of the Cassiline Brotherhood. It is my privilege to attend," I lied coldly. She stared at me, and I stared back, struggling not to glare. I also had my first glimpse of her face in full view, and was startled by the full impact of her beauty. Her full lips were naturally red, and her color was high with anger. Her great, dark eyes shone with it, and I saw, to my surprise, that one of them was flawed. A tiny spot of red adorned one eye, like a rose petal floating in a dark pool.

I turned my attention back to Lord Delaunay, who was calmly assuring Phedre of my qualifications.

"He bested you with daggers alone?" she asked speculatively.

I bowed again. "In the name of Cassiel, I protect and serve," I said blandly.

The girl scowled and flounced over to a chair, sitting gracefully. She shrugged. "My lord, at least he is pretty enough to be an adept of Cereus House wearing fancy dress. If you will it-"

I did not hear the rest of what she said. Blood was pounding in my ears, fury obscuring my vision. How dare she compare me to one of those high-priced whores!

I have long struggled with a quick temper, and have developed many tricks over the years of reining it in. I utilized one of these now, counting to ten in Caerdicci. It worked. When I refocused on the conversation, Delaunay was saying, "...but there is a matter I would have you attend first, if you would hear it."

Phedre bowed her head piously. "In the name of Kushiel, I-"

My temper snapped. I opened my mouth, an entirely inappropriate retort on my tongue, when Delaunay raised his hand.

"Enough," he said, and I knew that he had seen my reaction. I flushed.

"Phedre, you of all people should know not to mock the service of Elua's Companions. Joscelin, your Prefect has gauged this matter worthy of your order's attendance, and you stand in danger of heresy if you question his judgment."

"As my lord bids," I said, ashamed. I bowed once more. They ignored me, then, continuing their conversation. I ignored them in turn, too furious with myself- and Phedre no Delaunay- to pay attention. What in Elua's Name had gotten into me today? I had come dangerously close to outright insulting my new employer's ward. That sort of behavior was completely unacceptable in a Cassiline Brother, even if he was being baited by a sharp-tongued, know-it-all courtesan. If Lord Delaunay had taken offense and reported my conduct to my Prefect... at best, six months of penance. At worst, I would be expelled from the Brotherhood, anathema.

I strengthened my resolve. I would not allow myself to be named anathema over an irreverent slip of a girl.

I did not know it at the time, but I would often wonder, years later, if the gods heard that promise and took it as a challenge.


End file.
